If you have lost a child, brother, sister or friend through addiction or someone close to you is using drugs, why not write a letter or poem. You may find it hard to talk and don’t know who to turn to through this time. There is no shame that your son or daughter is using drugs. Remember take away the addiction and you have them back.

This site is dedicated to my only son Tony who died from a Heroin overdose at the young age of 22. When my husband and I found Tony laying on the floor, we knew he was dead; but as a mother you don’t want to hear that. I screamed, begged and pleaded with the paramedics to fix him. But from the minute I comprehended the doctors words, “your son is dead’’ until three years ago, I lived in a state of numbness and unyielding pain.

If Tony had died from natural causes would it have been any easier? There would have been no stigma attached to his death unlike a drug death. There are people who have very little compassion for drug users, because they believe it is self-inflicted. I suppose that can be said for a lot of other addictions.

Addiction – what a powerful word. My son was not born a drug user; nor was yours, so please do not judge them unless you have been through Addiction yourself. We will never understand its power. It is ok to be afraid but remember, take away the Addiction and you have your child back.

Tony loved life, he loved animals, children and people – he was a care free sprit. Football was all he ever talked about as a child and when he grew up he was going to play for Liverpool. He was a rogue but a lovable rogue; and he had friends everywhere. Three weeks after Tony died, we had a phone call from a girl in Slovenia who had met Tony on holidays. A week later we had the most beautiful letter from her telling us how they met. She said her first words to him was; “Do you always smile like that?.’’ She also said ‘‘He was the funniest, kindest person; always laughing and full of life’’. He even talked to her about his addiction and told her that he would meet her in London that October and that he would be clean.

Losing Tony has taught me that nothing in this life is certain and in one split second your whole life is turned upside down and will never be the same again.

When I think back on these times Tony and the dreams you left behind
I was blessed to have you in my life.

When I look back on those days I look and see your face,
You were right there with me.

In my dreams I’ll always see you soaring above the sky.
In my heart there’ll always be a place for you.
For all my life I’ll keep a part of you with me, And everywhere I am, there you’ll be.

I often wonder what I would say to you if I could see you one more time,
And I have come to the conclusion that there are no words in our language for that moment.

I would simply hold you and cry, and I would whisper that I love and miss you, I always have and I always will.

If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I would sleep for ever.
If love alone could have saved you, Tony,
you never would have died.
Until we meet in Heaven, know that I love you always.

Mum and Stepdad Dessie  xxxxxx

The last day I saw your face. You smiled at me at the airport. I cried, you gave me a hug. That was the last day  I saw your beautiful face,  for you were to begin a journey with the Lord above. As I walked the streets of Brooklyn, Three doves, they circled my head, In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
I blessed myself, not knowing you were dead. I stood in work that morning, happy as can be, so pleased I’d found a job. I couldn’t  wait to call you and tell you, it was starting to work out for me. My room mate walked into the bar, said, “I think you better sit down. I am sorry to have to tell you this, your brother has passed away.” I cannot remember the rest of the day. Nothing sank in till I saw you,

Lying where you did not belong. My heart was ripped to pieces, my brother, my friend, my hero was “gone”. For years, I questioned our Father, Why did you take him away?
But his memory will be there to stay. I now realise why you had to go I’ve had to deal with the pain Your are helping the ones who struggle You are guiding them the right way.
So you haven’t left me. I just can’t see you I cannot hear your voice After many years I have accepted that you were ‘Gods choice’.
Tony “Toe”, who I miss so much.
Rest in peace my friend my angel,
I will always love you.

Love your Big sister Vivienne XXX

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